Our Hope Endures

We are now several weeks into 2011 & so far the challenges of 2010 have spilled over into our new year.  Everyone always hopes that when they wake up on New Year’s Day, their troubles will be gone & they will have a clean slate to start the year.  Dreamers!  Although a magic wand waving through the air has not produced change in our circumstance, there have been some blessings.

Last January when Bob & I began to attend Pathway Community Church, we contacted the small groups pastor, Eric, & inquired about getting involved in a small group.  One of Bob’s passions in ministry was small group ministry, so it made sense that we felt the need to get connected via that avenue.  It proved to be difficult to find a group that we could join, because of Bob’s old age & my relative youthfulness (har-de-har-har!).  It wasn’t until mid-December that we finally found a group that would be a perfect fit for us.  The second Sunday of January we had our first encounter with our new Life Group.

It actually turned out kind of cool, because several of the people in our group are children of pastors.  There is one couple where the husband was the cousin of my bestest childhood friend, Bonnie Hochstetler.  Also, one couple had attended a small group in Leo that Bob taught several years ago.  Another great thing is that everyone in the group loves the Colts!  It’s a small world, isn’t it?  God knows our every need & meets them before we even know we have a need. 

The second Wednesday of January, I joined a women’s Bible study at Pathway.  We are studying the life of Jonah.  The theme is about “a life interrupted”, & it has really hit home with me in so many ways.  In a humorous way, God interrupted our plans to meet every Wednesday by causing us to have a lot of snow this winter.  We have missed 3 weeks of Bible study because of the snow!  I am very excited to continue our study & hope to get to know some of the women at Pathway in the process.

One of the main ways God has allowed interruption to enter my life has been through health difficulties.  Most of you know that I have had my fair share of health problems.  However, I doubt there are many of you who actually know what my health problems are.  Here is a list of a few (not all) of the diagnoses I have:

CERVICAL FACET JOINT SYNDROME:  is a condition in which the joints in the cervical spine degenerate and subsequently cause pain. Facet joints are found at every level on both sides of the cervical spine.  SYMPTOMS: Radiating pain, headaches, limited range of motion & carpal tunnel syndrome.

CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME:  is a variably debilitating disorder defined by persistent fatigue unrelated to exertion & not substantially relieved by rest.  SYMPTOMS:   Impaired memory, unrefreshing sleep, muscular pain, tender lymph nodes, abdominal pain, brain fog &  visual disturbances.

LYME DISEASE:  is a tick-borne infectious disease.  SYMPTOMS:  Numbness, permanent joint inflammation & profound fatigue

MYOFASCIAL PAIN SYNDROME:  is a condition characterized by chronic severe pain in hyperirritable spots in muscle tissue.   SYMPTOMS:  Knots in tight bands of muscle fibers, muscle spasms, insomnia due to chronic pain & chronic deep muscular pain.

NON-ALCOHOLIC STEATOHEPATITIS:  is a type of liver disease, characterized by inflammation of the liver with fat accumulation in the liver.  This type of liver disease is not caused by excessive alcohol consumption.  SYMPTOMS:  Fatigue, severe liver scarring, right-upper-quadrant abdominal pain.

PANHYPOPITUITARISM:  A decreased secretion of 8 pituitary hormones, which are the precursors for all other endocrine glands in the body.  SYMPTOMS:  Growth hormone deficiency, chronic decrease in muscle mass & central obesity.

So far this year I’ve had more bad days than good days.  I’ve been experiencing severe muscular pain that sometimes is almost more than I can bear.  Because I have major drug sensitivities, there are only a few medications I can tolerate which can help with pain control.  Unfortunately, those medications haven’t been able to relieve much of the pain I’ve been experiencing.  It has been so extreme that Bob took me to the ER a couple weeks ago.  He was afraid I was having a stroke because I was very clumsy, forgetful & was having a hard time speaking.  The CT they did while I was in the ER showed that I do indeed have a brain, so that is good news.  I knew some of you would ask that question!  I didn’t have a stroke (thank God!), but the ER doc was concerned & told me to have Dr. Jakacki schedule an MRI of my brain to rule out multiple sclerosis.

Being as sick has I have been lately has taken a toll on most areas of my life.  It’s difficult to stay on top of a household when you can hardly get out of bed.  Not only is my house dirty, but I have things to do to prepare my home to sell.  The inability to complete important tasks is something I do struggle with.  My stomach has been churning like a cement truck & it’s hard to cook when my gut is tumbling around.  Sleep has been an elusive luxury it seems.  My sons have had the unfortunate opportunity to see me down for the count, & that weighs heavily on their hearts.  Bob feels somewhat overwhelmed because he works all day & comes home to a wife who is sick with something no one can find a treatment for.  It has to be discouraging for my family.

As sick as I have been over the past 13 years, I have come to the point with my illness that I honestly have no resentment about it.  Yes, there are definite struggles & frustrations.  But God has taken the bitterness I once had & has replaced it with an unexplainable acceptance of it.  I have come to the place where I believe God has blessed me with my trials of the flesh so that I can endure & somehow bring glory to His name in spite of it all.  I am not saying that it is easy to endure the affliction, but daily God gives me the grace necessary to face the future confidently in Him.  I have faith that is secure enough in who God is that I am convinced that He could heal my body at any moment.  I have tried medicines & treatments, surgeries & therapies.  I have sought healing from God by being anointed with oil by the leaders of my church on several occasions.  I have prayed fervently that God would take away the torment & use my healing as a testimony to people of His power.  But so far, God has not taken the diseases away. 

So what do you do when God’s plan for your life seems to stink?  You do your best to emit the aroma of the knowledge of Christ everywhere.  Every attitude is a choice, is it not?  Every action is a choice.  I have made the conscious choice that healthy or not, God is still worthy of my praise & adoration.  Though there be trials, affliction & suffering in my life, God has not ceased to be the King of all creation, the Lord God Almighty Who was & is & is to come!

There is a song by Natalie Grant that sums up what I feel.  Read the lyrics below & listen to the song on YouTube by clicking the link: 

Our Hope Endures

You would think only so much can go wrong
Calamity only strikes once
And you assume this one has suffered her share
Life will be kinder from here
Oh, but sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear?

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

How do we comprehend peace within pain?
Or joy at a good man's wake?
Walk a mile with the woman whose body is torn
With illness but she marches on
Oh, 'cause sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear?

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

Emmanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient
We never walk alone
And this is our hope

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged
____________________

In our life, it literally feels like the sun has been hiding for years & the rain has not ceased to fall from the dark clouds filling the sky.  My health problems, Bob’s stroke, Bob losing his job, my mom’s death, bankruptcy...  Even our car was repossessed!  It has felt like the trials will never relent.  But in spite of it all, our Hope - Jesus Christ - has never changed.  He has never failed us!  Let the earth shake & the mountains fall into the sea!  Our God is mightier than any disaster or disease, & He will never, ever forsake His own.

2010 - A Year in Retrospect (PART 8)

My Funky Christmas Tree

After a (more than) brief hiatus, I am back.  Time to write again!

Isaac was a freshman at USI in Evansville, which is about a 6 hour drive from our home.  He was so eager to come home for Thanksgiving that he left school at about 9:00 p.m. on Monday!  I sensed something was up with him, so I stayed up until he got home.  I didn’t want him to drive all that way & have no one awake to welcome him. 

He walked in the door around 4:30 a.m.  He came into the living room, where I was, and plopped down on the love seat.  He started to talk.  And talk.  And talk some more.  We didn’t stop our conversation until close to 6:00 a.m..  The main subject we discussed was his unhappiness with his life in Evansville.  College was a lot of what he expected, but also not at all what he expected.  Although USI claims to be a “dry” campus (meaning they don’t allow alcohol on school property), but Isaac said there was plenty of booze flowing all over campus.  It was very easy to acquire, even if you were under age.  He said that in addition to all of the alcohol, marijuana was readily available, along with other illegal substances.  Some of his friends at USI spent several evenings a week getting sauced or high.  Isaac had dabbled with the vices that were around him, but he felt no different & decided that he had seen enough of the world & wanted no part of it.  He decided (completely on his own) that he would finish out the semester at USI & then move back home.  He felt God leading him to Grace College (near Warsaw, IN).  His plan was to enroll at Ivy Tech for their Spring semester & take general classes.  Then next fall he would begin classes at Grace. 

As I sat there early in the morning listening to Isaac’s heart represented in his words, I was not angry at him for briefly getting caught up in the common pitfalls of college life.  On the contrary, I was proud of him for having the guts to leave before he got sucked in to the many temptations that swirled around him on campus.  He believed that people would draw a variety of wrong conclusions because he didn’t “stick it out” at USI, but he didn’t care what those people thought.  He was only concerned about how Bob & I, as well as the rest of our family, would receive his decision to move back.  Once he explained his decision & the reasoning behind it, everyone in the family got behind him & encouraged him in his pursuit of God’s will. 

On Black Friday (the Friday after Thanksgiving for those of you in Rio Linda), Josiah had several of his friends spend the night.  I’ve never seen Josiah so motivated to clean the house!  It was amazing to witness his attention to detail as he tidied things up.  Now that I know what he’s capable of, he had better start working like that every day!  Earlier in the 9 weeks, Bob & I bribed him with having friends spend the night.  If he got his assignment turned in & got good grades during a specific time frame, we would allow him to invite them over.  He did very well & we had to hold up our end of the bargain.

I’ve never been so happy to have a basement as I was that day!  Josiah invited Sam, Brandon, Jacob & Harrison, & when those boys are together, they are crazy!  They played video games late into the night & finally, one by one, they each drifted off to sleep.  Josiah had so much fun & thanked us repeatedly for allowing his friends to stay the night.

The Sunday after Thanksgiving, Isaac left for USI.  He was going back, determined to do everything he could to avoid temptation.  The next day, November 29th, Colson began his first job.  He joined the team at the Chick-Fil-A in the mall.  It’s a little bit of a drive, but not too bad.  I was so proud of Colson, & he was pretty proud of himself, too.  When he got home after work, he talked excitedly about what he learned, people he saw, etc.  Work definitely is a gift from God.  My kids never really believed me when I told them that when they were growing up!  The great thing about working at Chick-Fil-A is that they are never open on Sunday.  Colson asked to have every Wednesday off so that he could continue to be a part of his small group at church, & they were understanding about that & he has yet to work a Wednesday night.  He sees people he knows frequently while he’s behind the counter working, but many times it takes people a second or two to recognize him because he has really grown!  He’s 6 feet tall now!  We were wondering when he would start stretching up, & it just happened within the past year.  Poof!  He became a giant!

On the first Tuesday of December, Bob & I drove to the Parkview Home Health & Hospice office in Huntington, where he would have his cubical.  I took all kinds of things to use to decorate, but his cubical was much smaller than I anticipated, so we ended up takng a lot back home.  His boss, Karen, was excited that he was decorating his cubical because it was an indication that he would be sticking around for a while & actually putting some effort into his job.  The guy before Bob didn’t really have much of a passion for the job, so Bob was a great contrast for them.  We were headed back home when I got a phone call.  It was Josiah, who was at home alone.  He was bored, so I told him to take Fiona outside & run around the house to help her expend some energy.  About half an hour later we received a call from Nancy, saying that she heard water running upstairs & some water was leaking through the ceiling.  I tried to call Josiah, but there was no answer.  That freaked me out!  We were only a few miles from home at the time, but it seemed to be an eternity until we got there.  We ran into the house & up the stairs to see what had happened.  We found Josiah’s bathroom covered with soaked towels, & he was in his pj’s with wet hair.  I was relieved that he was OK, but I wanted an explanation for what had happened.

He was running around with Fiona chasing him & he thought the pond was frozen solid, so he ran onto the ice.  One of his feet broke through the water & one leg went hip deep in the water.  God protected him & allowed the ice to stay solid enough for him to pull his leg out of the water & get off of the ice.  He went into the house & was freezing, so he decided to take a bath to warm himself up.  He started to draw the bath & when it was half way full, he got in & lay down in the tub.  Without thinking, he let the water continue to run.  It was overflowing & he was oblivious to it for a couple of minutes.  When he realized that water was all over the floor, he decided to turn off the faucet & get some towels to soak up the water.  We had a very direct conversation about the events of his evening!

The following Tuesday Colson & I headed down to Evansville to help Isaac move back home.  His semester was over & so were his days at U.S.I.  Isaac took us to a FABULOUS local barbecue restaurant called “Shyler’s” for dinner.  They had an amazing all-you-can-eat meal for around $7.  There was barbecued chicken, pulled pork, potato salad that Isaac LOVED, corn bread & several other tantalizing items.  After dinner, the boys dropped me off at the hotel & headed back to Isaac’s dorm for the night.  Colson had a lot of fun staying the night with Isaac & I had a relaxing night alone in my hotel room.  For one evening, I HAD THE REMOTE!

The boys picked me up in the morning, having all of Isaac’s things stuffed into both of our cars.  We picked up some breakfast at McDonald’s (I fail to understand what people like about McDonald’s coffee) & headed north.  Praise God it was a very uneventful trip.  When we were going through Indy, we stopped at the Plato’s Closet on 96th Street because the boys have previously had some success finding deals there.  They had a lot of things marked down, so it was good we stopped.  I was greatly distressed to find that the Noble Roman’s that had been there for years was now closed.  By the time we got close to the GM plant, Isaac took off for home at a higher rate of speed than I wanted to drive.  To say he was happy to be home is a gross understatement.

Christmas was upon us shortly after Isaac’s move home, & I wasn’t really ready for it.  In the past, we’ve gone to Bob’s parents’ on Christmas Eve & my parents’ on Christmas Day.  This year Christmas with neither family had a very joyous Christmas to look forward to.  Christmas Eve we visited our nephew Chadd at Wesley Health Care in Auburn.  You may remember that in August at just 28 years old, Chadd had an AVM which caused extensive brain damage & put him in a coma.  He looked like he was sleeping, like he would wake up any moment & start picking on people like always.  Leslie had decorated his hospital bed with garland & a big red blanket, like he was a present.  He was off of the ventilator & was breathing completely on his own, which is something his doctors said would never be possible.  Bill & Judy were there, along with Sarah (Chadd’s wife), Leslie (Chadd’s sister), her husband Ryan & their son Aiden.  The room Chadd is staying in is very comfortable, but with so many people it became a little congested.  We didn’t care because we were together talking & catching up.  Unfortunately Nancy was unable to join us that night.  As we were leaving, Scot & Angela (Chadd’s sister) were arriving, along with their kids Cassandra & Ian.  There were hugs all around.  We love our family so much!  Chadd’s easy smile & frequent laughter are so greatly missed.

Christmas morning we all headed out for my dad’s house & prepared our usual brunch.  Instead of my mom making the waffles, Bob made them.  It’s the one thing he has learned to make for dinner.  Unfortunately Bob forgot to add sugar to the mix, which made the waffles taste quite bland.  We will never let him forget the sugar again!  Connie brought her customary Egg Casserole which is always gone in a wink.  Alyssa brought a salmon dish that I just couldn’t figure out.  All who tried it said it was very good.  I just took their word for it.  There were so many parts of our brunch that were absent this year for one reason or another.  Of course we were missing my mom, & all of the wonder & amazement she brought at Christmas.  We also missed Kristie, who chose to spend Christmas with her husband’s family.  She makes the most wonderful cinnamon rolls!  My dad participated by supplying some baked goods from Grabill Country Shops.  Oh, my!  Those Wedding Cake cookies truly melt in your mouth!  I had powdered sugar all over my face & shirt after having a couple of those! 

For the first time in my life we celebrated Christmas without any gifts under the tree.  No of us had the finances to be able to purchase gifts for each other, so we didn’t exchange gifts.  However, my dad was able to give each of us some money for Christmas, which was very unexpected.  Instead of spending so much time exchanging & opening gifts this year, we spent a lot of time talking about all that God had done for us over the past year.  We spent much time remembering my mom & the amazing person she was.  Our dreaded first Christmas without my mom ended up being a sad yet very uplifting day, because we know that one day we will see her again.  We were reminded that this life is but a vapor, here for a second & then gone without a trace.  What we do in that second will determine how we spend eternity.  We were reminded of the importance of spending our lives serving God by serving the people that He died to save.

This concludes “2010 - A Year in Retrospect”.  Thank you for your faithfulness in following this blog.  In the future I will continue to periodically peck my thoughts out on my Mac so that you can read my little blog & through it, bear witness to the greatness of the God I serve.  I don’t claim to be a scholar or religious expert.  As my dad has always said, “I’m just one beggar telling another beggar where to find the bread.”