No Place Like Home

Today was the longed for day in my father's week!  The day they pulled his chest tube & let him "go free".  The past week has been very hard on him.  Not so much because of pain from the pericardial windows surgery, but because he HATES to be cooped up.  He felt helpless because he had so many tubes & monitors hooked up to him, he couldn't even stand up without help from the nurses.  As each thing was removed one by one, the more he was able to be mobile.  He walked the hall (with the nurse's help because of his chest tube) as often as he could.

He often expressed his desire to go home, to family, friends, nurses, doctors & anyone else who happened to enter his room!  Dr. Gray, the surgeon rounding for Dr. Sowden, told my dad that he wasn't "going to release him until he felt it was safe, no matter how many times (my dad) told him that he was OK to go home."  My father, finally caught in his own game!  He was trying to lead a horse (in this case, Dr. Gray) to water to make him drink, & even with salting his oats, he wouldn't budge!

He finally had the chest tube removed at 2:00 this afternoon.  The nurse was able to close up the little hole in his stomach & he had to wait for 2 hours before he could be discharged, just to make sure he didn't have any bleeding problems related to removing the chest tube.  He watched the Colts play, talked to Connie, Josiah & I about things, got dressed & then sat in the chair, waiting for the clock to hurry up & hit 4:00.

His nurse, Cindy, gave him a lot of discharge papers, had him sign a couple of papers & then he was ready to head out.  We loaded his stuff into my Jeep & headed home, where he belongs.  The weather is so beautiful, so I opened the sun roof & all of the windows so that he could feel the fresh air he craved all week.

His doggies, Emma & Micah, were very happy to have him home again.  We took his things into the house & sat & talked with him for a bit, to make sure he was OK, & then we left him in his home, sweet home.  I think he will spend as much time as he can today sitting in his chair in the front of his house, listening to the birds sing, looking at the blazing fall color in the trees, smelling the freshness of the air in the Grabill area...  If you see him out there, be sure to stop & say hello!

A Better Day

Well, day 4 of my dad's recovery from heart surgery was improved more than yesterday.  Unfortunately he didn't sleep much last night because they gave him some medication that made him hallucinate & he didn't sleep at all.  In spite of being very tired, he had several accomplishments today.

First, he had the suction removed from his chest tube.  All this time he has been tethered to his bed by a tube that went from a suction port on the wall to his chest tube fluid container (sorry, I don't know what else to call the thing).  Since his surgery he had suction pulling fluid from his lungs.  He is continuing to have fluid drain from his chest, but just with the assistance of gravity.  This enabled him to be able to get out of bed on his own, which was really exciting for him.  Because he didn't have that tube stuck to the wall, the nurses allowed him to walk the halls a couple of times today.  You probably know what a walker he is, & this encouraged him greatly.  He was also taken off of Coumadin, leaving him with fewer IV tubes to tie him up.

The biggest encouragement he had today was all of the visitors who took the time to come & spend some time with him.  He still had some problems with his thinking being cloudy, but he really enjoyed the conversation & prayers of those who visited.  He's such a people person!

We had a good talk with his night nurse about some things they could try to help him sleep, so that is our primary prayer for the night.  We also are praying for clarification on a matter that has been a miscommunication between his surgeons.  Dr. Sowden, who performed the pericardial windows procedure, is out of town due to the death of his father (you can pray for the family).  Dr. Gray, another surgeon, is rounding for Dr. Sowden in his absence.  Dr. Sowden told my sisters, Bob & I some very specific & important things following my dad's surgery.  Unfortunately, he didn't chart those things, so Dr. Gray now believes the things Dr. Sowden insisted upon are not necessary.  We agree with Dr. Sowden's directives & are trying diligently to get this cleared up before the weekend so that my dad receives the very best care he can get.  Please pray that Dr. Gray will show deference to the verbal intentions Dr. Sowden gave us.

Thank you for your prayers & support of our family.  It's been a long week for all of us & it's only by God's grace & mercy that we have made it this far.  Oh, I forgot to mention that my niece Abbi Bussen has not had an appendectomy as of yet, but it's kind of a day-by-day thing.  If she has another appendicitis attack, Kristie has the surgeon's direct phone number & he said he won't hesitate to get her in for surgery.  She's still in pain but she is trying to go back to school & work tomorrow morning.  Please pray for Abbi's health & for Kristie, Todd & the doctors to have wisdom in caring for her.

Lookin' Good!

Visiting with my dad tonight.  He's sitting up in a chair, looking great.  He hasn't had any anti-nausea or pain meds for over 24 hours, so he's feeling better.  It's nice that he's back to normal!  He got a PICC line today because he's receiving a medication (Amiodarone) which is caustic in small veins (like in the hand).  Instead of moving his IV site every day, the PICC will deliver the medication through a catheter which drips the medicine just above the heart.  He still has the chest tube & still has fluid draining.  Other than that, he is feeling very good.  Good enough to receive visitors!  So if you want to stop by & say "Hi!", he's in room 346.  He was told he will be here until Sunday, at the least, so not everyone needs to come on Thursday :-)

One Crazy Day

Wow will we all be glad when this day is over!  It hasn't been particularly terrible, but it also hasn't been especially good. We weren't sure what to expect today since it is the first anniversary of my mom's trip to heaven, but our creative God had a curve ball coming our way!

My dad woke up after a restless night feeling the strangest, weird feeling he's ever had.  He hates the way he's feeling because of the medications.  His pain isn't severe, so he has refused all pain medications.  He has had a lot of dizziness & severe nausea, even vomiting.  I don't ever remember my dad vomiting before in my life.

He still has the chest tube in, as well as an IV & lots of monitoring equipment, but in spite of all of the cumbersome clutter attached to his body, he walked the entire circle of the STICU.  All that walking through the neighborhood helped out!  He has been sitting up in a chair, but most of the day he's been in bed floating in & out of sleep.

While all of this was going on, we learned that my niece Abbi Bussen was sick & went home from school this morning.  Kristie took her home & Abbi got worse, so she then took her to the doctor.  Dr. Jakacki examined her & sent her immediately to the hospital for tests because he suspected appendicitis.  Her white count was elevated but the CT was inconclusive.  As I write this, Kristie & her ex-husband Todd are in the ER waiting for a surgeon to consult about Abbi's case & determine if she will be having surgery tonight or not.  I told her that we could probably arrange for her to share a room with my dad, but she didn't quite like that idea!

As far as visits go, he has requested that only family members visit at this time.  He also isn't taking phone calls because he can't think clearly enough to converse intelligently (he says).  Judging by some of the things he's said today, he is probably right!

Your prayers are definitely needed & appreciated.  As my dad would say, we don't know what the future will hold, but we do know Who holds the future.  Our faith is solidly in Christ our Saviour.  We are His servants & will endure until He calls us home!

Surgery is Over!

It's around 6:00 p.m. & my dad is on his way to the Surgery Trauma Intensive Care Unit for the night.  Dr. Sowden took about 4 pounds of fluid from his pericardium - twice what was removed last year!  He is puzzled as to the cause of the build up of fluid & can't guarantee that it won't happen again, but he hopes that the pericardial windows procedure will prevent further fluid build up.

Around 7:00 we went to see him in his STICU room.  He was very uncomfortable & had a lot of pain where Dr. Sowden removed his Xyphoid Process in order to get to his pericardium.  He has a chest tube in place which will allow fluid to drain from his chest cavity over the next day or two.  The respiratory therapist, Virginia, came in not long after we got into his room & began to make him breathe deeply, exhale & cough.  When she would have him cough, she would put both of her arms across his chest & lean onto her arms & then have him cough.  That made it less painful.  He didn't want to comply at first, but her persistance convinced him to get it over with!  He would have breathing treatments every 2 hours X 4 treatments & then would go to a treatment every 4 hours. 

His mouth was very dry & it bothered him.  He brought some cough drops, because for as long as I can remember, he has had a chronic dry mouth every night when he would sleep.  He has always had cough drops next to the bed.  Ice wasn't doing anything for him, so I slipped him a cough drop when there were no nurses in the room.

The visiting hours for the STICU are unique from other ICU's.  We went back in to his room at 8:30 & stayed with him until 9:30 when we got booted out.  Kristie, Abbi & others gave him a gentle massage of his shoulders & his feet.  His BP was high, but after he was massaged, it dropped to a very good level.  He felt like he might be able to sleep, so we said good night & prayed that he would have a peaceful night.

The preliminary plan is that Tuesday afternoon he will be moved out of STICU into a regular room.  He will be there for several days.  Since tomorrow is the 1st anniversary of our mom's passing, we are gathering as many of the grandkids that can make it & we are spending the afternoon & evening together, remembering the amazing woman we all knew & loved.  We are asking that no one visit on Tuesday for this reason.  Thank you for respecting our wishes.

As more progress is made & more information is available, I will pass it on to you.  Please pray for him to have his pain managed effectively, to sleep well in spite of his surroundings, to heal completely & for him to feel the peace of the Holy Spirit comforting him.  Your prayers are the greatest gift you can give him!  Thank you!

If you would like, you can post a comment for him below.  I will be sure that he hears everything you write to him.

It's Been A While!

Proud Papa & Rachel

 

Mom, Rachel & friend Kayleen

It has been too long since I've updated you all through my blog!  My last update was in May, & here we are in October!  I'll try to fill you in on the important stuff.


School ended for the year in early June, which meant that Colson graduated from Lakewood Park Christian School!  Somehow God has miraculously provided so that Isaac & Colson were able to attend & graduate from LPCS, & Josiah also attends.  We don't know why God chose to place our sons at that amazing school, but He has definitely used LPCS to shape the character of our boys.  We are so grateful that God has blessed us in this way.

Throughout the summer, Isaac worked for Paragon Landscaping, Colson worked for Phil's One Stop in Grabill & Josiah was my slave (at least he thought so!).  Bob continued to minister to the dying & had several opportunities to lead people to Christ before they died.

In early June, Bob had another TIA.  It has been a while since he's had one, and like every other time, we had to take him to the ER for tests.  They did a CT of his head & neck (to view his carotid arteries), and they also did an MRI of his head & neck.  Lab work came back normal, as did the other tests, so he was released to go home after a couple of hours in the ER.  They told us (as they do every time) that if he has symptoms like that again, we have to get him to a hospital right away because you never know when it's going to lead to another stroke.  Well, two weeks later he had another TIA, so we did the whole spiel all over again, with the same result.  Thank God Bob isn't having another stroke, but these TIA's were very expensive events because at that time Bob didn't have any insurance.  We have applied for aid from the hospital & are waiting to hear back regarding our appeal.

On June 26th, we celebrated what would have been my mom's 66th birthday.  We had a party at my dad's house & invited her close friends & relatives to come & remember her with us on her birthday.  Praise God for her birth!  The world is a better place because she lived.  My birthday is 2 days later, so on June 28th, I had more cake to eat!  That day was bittersweet because we learned in the morning that Roy Lemert, the quadriplegic that Bob was discipling, passed away in the night.  His spine was severed so far up that he was unable to breathe without a ventilator.  Somehow the tube attached to his trachea became lose & he didn't get the oxygen he needed.  He was only 31 years old.  Bob had been working with him to get his testimony worded well & memorized because Roy wanted to be a motivational speaker to teens.  He wanted to do whatever he could to warn them of the cost of living on the edge with drugs & alcohol.  Roy was in the process of memorizing his testimony when he died.  Ron Williams, our pastor at Pathway, spoke of Roy in his sermon the following Sunday.  He read Roy's testimony, & many people were very touched by it.  So many people wanted copies of it because they wanted to share it with people they knew.  Even in Roy's death, his testimony was speaking to the hearts of thousands of people.  Bob was honored to have been a part of Roy's life.

On Independence day, we had a lot of fun with our family.  First we went to my Aunt Cathy & Uncle Steve's house for the Anderson Clan 4th of July gathering.  My dad's 6 sisters & all of their families do a potluck & then we all sit around & listen to stories about my grandpa, grandma, great grandparents, great aunts & uncles & different people who impacted my aunts' & dad's lives.  Most of those stories are hilarious, especially with the way my aunts tell stories!  We always have so much fun with our family!  After our potluck we went to watch the fireworks in Leo.  We sat with my dad, Kristie & her daughter Abbi, as well as some of our kids.  This was the first time that we had been to the Leo fireworks, & we were very impressed by the quality of their show.

My dad's birthday is July 26th & this year he was turning 70.  We decided to have a little surprise party for him at Butler's Eatin' House, a restaurant that both he & my mom loved to frequent.  We invited his close friends & relatives to join us a week before his birthday.  We probably had around 50 people show up to eat together in my dad's honor!  It really touched him & lifted his spirits.

Also in July, Bob & I celebrated our 26th anniversary!  Our kids pooled their resources & gave us a very creative gift.  It was a foam puzzle with 4 pieces.  Inside each puzzle piece was a gift card.  They were putting together a weekend away for us!  How sweet!  We went to Indy for a couple days using their gift cards for gas, shopping, dinner at the Cheesecake Factory (our very favorite restaurant) & accommodations.  It was very relaxing & was a much needed get-away for us to reconnect.

August came & went all too quickly.  It was a busy month!  My mother-in-law, Nancy, celebrated her 80th birthday, then Jessica turned 24.  In the middle of the month, Josiah went back to school at LPCS (a complete miracle, again!) as an 8th grader.  Two days later Josiah celebrated his 14th birthday.  On the following day we helped Isaac & Colson move into their dorm rooms at Grace College.  No, they are NOT rooming together!  They had enough of that as kids & knew it wouldn't work in college.  Colson rooms with Austin Altimus

In September, Rachel turned 23.  She invited her friends as well as her family members who were old enough (21) to celebrate with her at Rack & Helen's in New Haven.  She has told us numerous times about their amazing food, so we were eager to join her.  We had a lot of fun that night.  The pulled pork was unbelievable!  It was so tender & the sauce was perfect.  One order was 1 pound of meat, so Bob & I shared it & even had some to take home!

Throughout all of these months, I had a regular routine.  Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday of every week I went to Dupont Hospital for my infusions (I now have an infusaport that is implanted under the skin on the right side of my upper chest).  After I finished my infusion each day, I had to hang around Fort Wayne for an hour or so to kill time until it was time for me to go to Dr. Jakacki's for my Rocephin shot.  Then I went home, made dinner & crashed.  Thursday was my "day off", meaning I didn't have to go to the hospital or the doctor.  Friday I had to go to Dupont Hospital again, but only to receive a bag of magnesium diluted in saline.

My treatment regimine is exhausting!  Monday - Wednesday are especially draining.  because the antibiotics make me feel nauseated & fatigued.  Thursday I would love to have as my day to rest up from the prior 3 days, but instead I usually spend it running errands that I can't do on the other days of the week.  By Friday I'm a little more "normal".  I'm still very tired, but I'm able to function at a higher capacity.  Saturday I'm OK usually, & Sunday I'm whipped by the early afternoon.  Then I start it all over the next day.  The treatment is having an effect, for sure.  My thinking has become more clear & I have noticed a big change in my memory.  My joint pain has improved & as long as I keep the magnesium flowing through an IV, my muscles cramp a lot less & feel a little less wobbly.  We praise God that Dr. Jakacki found the root cause of my myriad of health problems!

It is so hard to believe that it is October now.  The past year has been the hardest year of my life because my mother is no longer with us physically.  The 1st anniversary of her passing is October 4th.  I think of her every day, many times each day & miss her terribly.  Sometimes grief sneaks up on me out of nowhere & I start crying.  Our family talks of her all the time.  In every conversation we bring up a memory of her & laugh at some of the funny things she did.  She filled our hearts with great memories of generosity, kindness & uncommon servanthood.  Right now, who knows what she is doing in heaven.  She told us that she was going to spend some time investigating planets & star systems.  In her heavenly thinking, she's only been there a very short time.  To us who are left here, the past year has seemed longer than most.

The big news to report to you is that my dad is having health problems.  Last Thursday he saw his cardiologist because he was having difficulty breathing & his chest felt heavy.  After an EKG & echo cardiogram, his doctor sent him over to a cardiovascular surgeon for a consult.  That was when it was decided that he would be having surgery on Monday, October 3rd.  There is fluid filling his pericardium, like it was last October.  This time, instead of repeating the procedure where they use a large syringe to draw the fluid out, he will actually have surgery.  The doctor will create an incision, commonly sub-xiphoid, & cut a small hole in the pericardium to allow the fluid to drain.  Then the surgeon will place a small drainage tube into the hole in the pericardium, which will allow any fluid that builds up in the future to drain into the abdomen, where the fluid will be absorbed.

The surgery is scheduled for Monday afternoon.  Tuesday, the 1st anniversary of my mom's passing, he will definitely be an inpatient.  Connie, Kristie & I made sure that all of our kids would take off work / school so that we could spend the day together.  We will spend time entertaining him, remembering my mom & loving on each other.

I will post a short note following my dad's surgery to let you know how he is doing & to communicate his preferences regarding visits & phone calls.  Please pray for him to be at peace throughout the entire process, to be comfortable, to recover completely.  Pray for his surgeon to have complete mastery of his skills & to make wise decisions throughout the procedure.

One Week Down...

My TJ Maxx Partners in Crime - Sisters Connie (bottom) & Kristie (top left)

Well, I’ve completed my first week of Dr. Jakacki’s plan of attack on the Lyme disease that has been sucking the life out of me for the past 15 years.  On Monday - Wednesday mornings I visit Dupont Outpatient Clinic for my IV antibiotic cocktail, then on Monday - Wednesday nights I go to Dr. Jakacki’s office for another dose of Rocephin.  I have been surprised at how long it takes to get this done.  It’s around 4 hours at the clinic.  Then when I have to go to Dr. Jakacki’s office at night, it’s at least another hour.  I guess the war we are waging takes time to win.

I’ve had a couple of new issues arise as a result of my treatment.  On Tuesday I had an appointment with Dr. Jakacki.  I was having some pain on my left side, just below my ribs.  He pushed around where I said it hurt (which made it hurt all the more) & found that my spleen was enlarged.  This concerned him because my liver enzymes are elevated, which is evidence that my liver is struggling to filter my blood.  Remember, I have non-alcoholic steatohepatitis (NASH).  With my unhealthy liver struggling so much, things got backed up to the spleen, which is a key organ in the lymphatic system.  It gets little attention, nevertheless it is a vital organ in fighting infection & filtering out old red blood cells.  Since my spleen was enlarged, he ordered an ultrasound which I had done on Friday afternoon.  Yes, another trip to the hospital.

Then on Friday, I had another appointment with Dr. Jakacki due to a very sore spot on the roof of my mouth, & my tongue felt swollen.  He looked in my mouth, said “Eww!” & told me that I had Thrush.  If you’re a mom, you are most likely familiar with Thrush.  It is a fungal infection in the mouth.  With me, it was beginning to spread into my throat.  This caused Dr. Jakacki to have to tweak his strategy for fighting my Lyme.  He decided to start me on an antifungal called Diflucan, as well as a disgusting liquid I’m supposed to swish in my mouth & then swallow.  From now until God knows when, I am supposed to take Diflucan on Thursday through Saturday.  I get Sunday off of all antibiotics & antifungals.  Yay!  A day of rest!

By the time of my appointment, Dr. Jakacki had received the radiology report from my ultrasound earlier that day.  My spleen had gone back to it’s usual size!  Praise God!  He surmised that it was enlarged because of the strain my liver was under during the days of my antibiotic therapy.  When I wasn’t receiving the IV’s on Thursday & Friday, my liver was able to catch up, which got things flowing normally between the two organs.  We both were relieved that the swelling had gone down because that’s just not a problem I need right now!

During my first week of chemo I got a glimpse of what it’s going to be like for the next couple of YEARS.  That’s how long Dr. Jakacki thinks it will take for me to get the upper hand on Lyme.  Monday I felt blah.  Tuesday I was more drained & weak.  Wednesday I was thoroughly exhausted.  Thursday I slept through most of the day.  Friday I wanted to sleep through the day but couldn’t because of my ultrasound.  Saturday I was able to do a little around the house - hanging up clothes, changing the bed, picking up in the living room & basement - nothing too strenuous, but to me it was tiring.  By today, Sunday, I woke up with a little more energy & less nausea.  I was able to go to church & even lunch with Jessica & Jeff.  By this time (it’s round 9:00 pm as I write this), I’m super tired & looking forward to crawling into bed.

Today at church Ron (Williams) talked about Jehovah Shalom, which means “God is our peace”.  Pray that I will allow God to consume my entire being with His peace.  I want to do it like Peter when Jesus told him that if he didn’t let Him wash his feet, he could have no part of Him - “Lord, then wash not only my feet, but also my hands and my head.”  I want to be saturated in God my peace to such a degree that people who I encounter through my long journey ahead will notice a Spirit of peace in me.  I want to walk through every day in confidence that “He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”  I believe God has a purpose for allowing me to bear this cross for His glory.  Please pray that I will prove myself a worthy servant who is faithful & willing to walk through anything that God takes me through.  And please, please pray for Bob & my kids as we all experience this together.  Pray that they, too, will experience the peace that only God can give.  Thank you for your faithful prayers on our behalf.  I am so unworthy of your consideration! 

I would be remiss if I ended this posting without expressing my deepest gratitude to God for the thousands of men & women in the United States Armed Forces who have made the ultimate sacrifice in order to secure the freedom of our great country.  Not only am I grateful to those who have fallen in battle, but I am sincerely grateful to the families of those who perished, because allowing their loved one to serve under our Commander in Chief had to be a tremendous sacrifice for them as well.  The bravery & courage of military families & the troop who represents them is beyond my comprehension.  Thank you from the bottom of my red, white & blue heart.

God's Timing is Perfect

Perfection: Atomic Clock, Paul McDonald's Teeth & Submariner Rolex

It’s time for another update. I think I waited too long, because so much has happened since my last update. Where to begin?

When last I wrote, I had recently seen a neurologist about the lesions on my brain & my ability to continue in my physician’s practice was up in the air.  The weekend of May 1st, Dr. Jakacki attended some conference somewhere. The only way I know that he went to a conference over that weekend is because late that Sunday evening I got a call from him. He was all excited about the things they covered at the conference, especially because it gave him some insights into my crazy health. He told me to call his office 1st thing in the morning to get an appointment so that he could go over what he learned. Being the obedient, submissive person I am (*loud throat-clearing can be heard across the land*), I called & got an appointment on the books.

Bob went with me to my appointment because he was eager to hear whatever Pete was so excited about. It turns out that Pete learned a LOT about Lyme Disease from that conference. He got out one of the booklets that were handed out to all in attendance & page after page showed me the signs & symptoms of Lyme Disease. After we had looked through the whole book, Bob & I looked at each other in wonder. I told Pete that it was as if he took my chart with him & gave them to the speaker, who used my chart as notes for his complete talk! Almost every malady I have can be connected to Lyme. It’s like Lyme is the grenade that blew up my health, & all of my other illnesses are the shrapnel that spread out & did damage throughout my body. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, arthritis, muscular abnormalities, migraines, diabetes, insomnia, low magnesium, even Panhypopituitarism! Lyme can also cause multiple sclerosis! Every diagnosis I have from the past 20 years or so can be connected to Lyme Disease! Some of you may wonder how a person gets Lyme Disease. Well, it really ticked me off to learn that Lyme is spread through deer ticks. You also may wonder how I would have been exposed to deer ticks. I must tell you that my father was a farm boy at heart, & as a child, I frequently went with him to my grandpa’s farm. I enjoy being outside. Before I got sick I liked to walk through the woods & grassy fields. After Colson was born (& before Josiah), Bob & I took a group of students to Beattyville, Kentucky to minister to the many malnourished, needy children of Appalachia. We were in the hills for sure! The mission that we stayed at was directly on the edge of the Daniel Boone National Forest. I think you would be correct to say that we were “in the Boone-ies”!

Because Dr. Jakacki was so psyched about finding this connection with my health, he wanted me to begin an IV antibiotic therapy, which is the only proven way to lessen the hold of Lyme. It never goes away, but you can get it somewhat under control. There are very few reliable diagnostic tests that can be used with Lyme. But Lyme is primarily diagnosed through symptoms. However, I will be doing a lab that Pete thinks has a good reputation for being accurate, just to see if it can be confirmed. In the mean time, I have begun a new schedule. On Monday, Tuesday & Wednesdays I am to go to the Outpatient Clinic @ Dupont Hospital, where I will be given IV Doxycycline, Rocephin, Magnesium & Zofran, as well as a bag of lactated ringers. The drugs can’t be given together, so this process lasts about 3 hours. Then in the evenings of those days, I have to drive to Dr. Jakacki’s office to get a Rocephin shot (actually two, because of the large dose I am getting). At home I also take Doxycycline & Flagyl orally. Gratefully I will get 4 days of rest & recovery before starting the cycle all over again the following Monday. In speaking with the Outpatient nurses who I am beginning to know & love, I was told that this regimen is chemotherapy. All IV therapies that use powerful drugs to kill an unwanted illness are technically “chemo” therapies (chemo stands for chemical). I was also told that like cancer chemo, my meds will make me feel terrible & very sick. I will be greatly weakened & have heard over & over again - sleep is the best way to heal. I’m not usually a napper, but I think that will change. Pete hopes that giving me 4 days in between drug therapy will allow me to recover my strength before having my body trounced by antibiotics again. I for one hope he is correct!

Since Pete is the topic of discussion, I have to address my fears about losing him as my physician. Pete told me that BMA, now being joined with Lutheran Medical Group (LMG), would never allow a patient to remain within their group after filling bankruptcy. Even so, he told me that he would write a letter, & told me to write one as well. After I gave Pete my letter, I didn’t ask any questions about the situation because I didn’t want to hear bad news. Yeah, such amazing faith! About a week & a half later, I received a letter from BMA. I prayed before I opened it, & then slowly tore the envelope & took the letter out. I carefully unfolded the letter & began reading: “Dr. Jakacki has shared with me that he wishes to retain your family as patients in spite of your bankruptcy. Since joining a larger corporation, Dr. Jakacki will not in the future have the latitude to retain you or other families in your situation.”

Here’s the kicker! “However, after your balance is discharged & you have a ‘clean slate’ with us for dates of service prior to your bankruptcy filing, you absolutely must make any copayments or otherwise pay for services not covered by any insurance. We are all looking forward to a continued relationship as Dr. Jakacki continues to care for your medical needs.”

The magnitude of this miracle is to me like the parting of the Red Sea. We have collectors following in hot pursuit, wanting to enslave us to their high interest rates & penalties. We feel trapped because it seems we have lost the one thing that we desperately need. Suddenly, BMA billing stands in front of the Red Sea & spreads their arms above their heads. In one hand is the letter from Pete. In the other hand, the letter from us. God has shown favor to us & allows us to walk through the Red Sea of our life, safely to the other side. The key to this will be to remember our deliverance & to purpose to never get in this situation again.

God’s timing is more perfect than Paul McDonald’s teeth! If you haven’t been watching American Idol, scroll to the top of this update & his picture is there. God’s timing is more perfect than a Rolex. His timing is more perfect than the atomic clock. His timing is ALWAYS PERFECT! Why don’t I remember that more often? So God heard all of the prayers which were offered up regarding this situation, & when God’s people pray, He hears & acts. Thank you so much for praying on our behalf!

There are a few things that we need God’s direction in, & we would like to ask you to pray with us about these. Please pray that during this stressful, unpredictable time, Bob & I would grow stronger & closer to each other than ever before. Even with 25 years under out belts, we are still fallible people with sin natures that find the worst times to rear their ugly heads.

Please pray for our children. Jess is married & loves it. We really are thankful for the man of God her husband Jeff is striving to become. Rachel has not yet decided what she wants to do with her life. Until that is decided, she is working at a gym & also at a warehouse. Isaac is working with Paragon Landscaping & has already lost a lot of weight in the process. Pray that things will work out so that he can get his transcripts sent from USI to Grace College for classes this fall. Colson is SO CLOSE to graduation! He can’t wait! He is just beginning a job at Phil’s One Stop in Grabill, so stop in & say hi sometime. Josiah is finishing up 7th grade but struggles to stay focused on the boring task of learning. He is experiencing a little twinge of separation anxiety with me. He wants to be with me at all times, or to know where I am, why I am there & how long I will be there. He is afraid that I will die & he won’t be with me to say goodbye. It’s sad that he even thinks of his mom dying!

Please pray for Bob & me. Since Bob is PRN, his hours at work fluctuate based upon the patient census. It’s been low recently & this has greatly affected his pay check. He is very discouraged about this, because he wants to do what every man wants to do - provide for his family. Bob is considering finding a 2nd job to supplement his income. Pray that God would turn him to the direction He wants & that Bob will become at peace with his best efforts. God can & will make up the difference. As for my prayer needs, you could probably guess. Pray that no matter where I am, what I’m doing, who I’m talking to, that I will be a woman of integrity & a beacon of the hope I have within me. Pray for me as I am unable to help clean the house because the chemo is too much for me. I feel guilty about that. And pray that the Lyme protocol that Pete has put in place for me will work as God intends & that my body will cooperate with the medications.

Thank you for your concern, thoughts & prayers. You have an impact on our lives! God bless!

Hallelujah for the Resurrection!

Monday, April 18, 2011.  It was a bad day from beginning to end.  I normally wouldn’t be so negative in my remembrances, but this case requires an exception.

I was unable to sleep until somewhere around 3:45 a.m. (typical since receiving steroids during my epidural block).  I then was abruptly wakened by the daily morning ruckus of getting Colson & Josiah off to school without killing each other. 

COLSON:  “Dad, Josiah fell asleep in his closet again.”
BOB:  “Josiah!  Get out of the closet & get downstairs.”
JOSIAH:  “But I have to get dressed still!”
BOB:  “You mean you haven’t even gotten dressed YET???”
JOSIAH:  “Sorry!  I fell asleep trying to find my clothes.”
COLSON:  “It’s 7:40!  We’re going to be late again!  Hurry Up!”
BOB:  “Josiah, get down here right now!”
JOSIAH:  “OK!  OK!  I’m coming!  No reason to get mad about it!”

Yes, that is an accurate sampling of our morning “routine”.  Since I have such a skewed sleep pattern as a result of some of my medications, Bob helps get Josiah off to school in the morning.  What a true demonstration of love!

I dragged my aching body out of bed at 9:00, turned my radio to WOWO to hear The Glenn Beck Show & got into the shower.  No matter how much primping I did, nothing could prepare me for what was to come this day.

I had an 11:00 appointment with Dr. Jakacki.  Reggie, Dr. Jakacki’s amazing mother, called me back to the exam room.  I frustrated Reggie.  She couldn’t get a blood pressure.  She tried 3 times with no success.  That bothered her!  When Dr. Jakacki entered the room, he quickly got down to the issue of the day, which was going over the results of my spinal tap.

Doc was puzzled by the results of the spinal tap.  All of the myriad of tests he ordered came back...  Negative.  My spinal fluid shows not even a trace of MS!  At first I was elated!  Praise God!  But then it hit me:  What about the lesions on my brain?  What are they, if they aren’t caused by MS?  When I asked this question, Doc shrugged & said that the results of the spinal tap are not the only way to diagnose MS.  The theory is, if the spinal fluid has certain markers, it is definitely MS.  However, if the spinal fluid does NOT have certain markers, it does NOT rule out MS.

In an effort to gain some clarity on my results, Dr. Jakacki asked me to wait in the exam room while he called Dr. Liu, a local neurologist.  The more they talked, the more Dr. Liu realized that he needed to examine me.  Next thing I know, Dr. Jakacki came bursting through the door & said, “Dr. Liu wants to see you right now!”  OK.  And off I went.

Dr. Liu’s office was just around the circle from Doc’s office so I didn't have a hard time finding it.  Dr. Liu is a Chinese born neurologist who, before coming to this area, practiced in the greater Chicago area.  I though it was so cute that he brought in his little black doctor’s bag (like Marcus Welby, M.D.!). 

He wanted to study the MRI of my brain that I had previously done at Dupont Hospital, so he accessed my MRI through an Internet portal to Dupont’s radiology testing & records.  He studied it very carefully & discovered two other lesions that are beginning to form.  After explaining the MRI results to us, Dr. Liu performed a neuro exam on me.  I used to be able to do all of those kinds of things without any hesitation.  This time was different.  I couldn’t walk a straight line (heel-to-toe) without nearly falling over.  Standing with my eyes closed & my arms outstretched was very difficult.  I felt like I was spinning almost.  My reflexes were tested & failed miserably.  I had some difficulty with the whole finger to the nose thing.

At the end of my appointment, Dr. Liu told us what he knew for certain: there are lesions on my brain & I have signs of neurological deficits.  Even so, it is too premature to say that I have MS.  There are strict diagnostic guidelines to follow with Multiple Sclerosis & I don’t meet enough of the criteria to achieve a diagnosis.  He said that after I experience some sort of relapse, he can officially diagnose me.  So that was that with Dr. Yu Liu.

I left Dr. Liu’s office & headed north to Bridgewater Golf Course to pick up Josiah.  I thought he had his first golf match of the season, so I assumed that I would need to pick him up around 6:00.  When I arrived at the course, I didn’t see Josiah anywhere.  As a matter of fact, I didn’t see his coach’s van in the parking lot.  I sat there for a while waiting for Josiah to appear, but he didn’t.  Then it hit me that maybe I was at the wrong course.  Sometimes the team plays at Bridgewater East, where I was, & Bridgewater West (formerly known as Greenhurst Golf Course).  I decided to head over to the West course to see if they were playing there.  Sure enough, I pulled into the parking lot at 6:00 to find Josiah sitting on the grass reading.  His coach was in his van nearby.  Josiah got in the truck & said, “Finally!  I’ve been waiting here for an hour!”  The schedule I was given was wrong.  They only had practice until 5:00 - no match with another team.  ARGH!  Sorry for making you wait around, Mr. Baker!

My Monday ended with many questions still tumbling through my thoughts.  As I finish writing this entry, it is nearly a week later & those questions are just as problematic as ever.  Last week was brutal for me.  I ended up having to go to the Outpatient Clinic at Dupont Hospital for magnesium infusions every day.  I also received IV antibiotics because I had a kidney infection - a common occurrence for me.  I struggled terribly with my emotions all week.  Getting up every day was a feat in itself.  My heart was racing & my stomach was churning because of all of the unsettled scenarios in my life. 

One night Bob & I had a challenging time with our sons & I became very upset.  I started to cry, which is not something I do frequently.  Bob came to comfort me.  He put his arms around me & asked what was wrong.  I replied, “What has happened to our family?”  His answer hit me with a thud.  “Well, a lot.”  Wow!  How profound those few words were!  That just broke the floodgates wide open & I couldn’t turn the tears off!  Since losing my job in 2008 due to my health problems, I have lost two of my most beloved mentors to cancer.  My mother, my greatest mentor, also succumbed to that heinous disease.  My husband had a massive stroke & had to fight for months to regain his strength.  Two of our children walked away from the biblical values we raised them in.  Bob was essentially fired (aka “forced to resign”) from his position as senior pastor.  My dad had a mild heart attack.  One of my sisters left her family because of adultery.  Our oldest daughter left an abusive relationship, but didn’t do so alone.  It wasn’t until she suffered a miscarriage that she knew she had been pregnant.  Our first grandchild is in Heaven.  I have had five invasive surgeries JUST since 2008, not including the many facet joint blocks & nerve ablations I’ve had in my neck & low back.  Because of Bob’s stroke, my medical problems & the loss of Bob’s job, we suffered tremendously financially.  On Thursday, we had our primary hearing in bankruptcy court.  We had a vehicle repossessed, the land contract agreement we had for our last house fell through & the home is in foreclosure, we are unable to do anything to help our sons with their college expenses & we learned last week that Lutheran Medical Group, who owns Dr. Jakacki’s practice, is kicking us out of his practice because of their inclusion in our bankruptcy.  That is a LOT to take in over such a short period of time!

I honestly thought that I have dealt with all of our suffering fairly well.  But this past week has pushed me past my ability to withstand & I have struggled tremendously just to keep my composure.  I have cried myself to sleep nearly every night for the past week.  I have been anxious & fearful.  I have felt alone & forgotten.  I have been void of strength, both physically & emotionally.  The news about losing Dr. Jakacki as my primary care physician sent me over the edge.  I know the man is only human & certainly doesn’t have every answer to my health riddles.  But he was the first doctor to take me seriously after four years of desperate searching for answers.  I became his patient when he was still in medical school.  Over the past 10 years he has been faithful to give me the very best care.  The thought of leaving my doctor is frightening because it means I will have to start from scratch with someone new, someone who has no idea of who I am & what my health puzzle looks like.  Frankly, I am terrified. 

As I finish composing this note, it is Easter Sunday.  I was so glad to be in God’s house today!  Easter is my favorite day of the year.  It is even more important to me than my birthday.  I was blessed to have Jess & Jeff sitting with us, as well as Rachel & a friend of hers.  The worship time at Pathway today was invigorating & powerful.  After our time singing, they played a video clip of a testimony about someone’s near-death experience.  I about fell over when I saw Dr. Jakacki on the big screen!  God used his testimony to remind me that times of hardship & pain are designed to draw us nearer to Christ.  God spoke to my heart & reminded me know that all of the suffering of the past & future are a sign that He has a purpose for the pain.  If tribulation is my companion, He will give me the grace sufficient to rise above it.  However, His grace can only be utilized through complete abandonment to His lordship.  “Trust and Obey, for there’s NO other way to be happy in Jesus, but to Trust and Obey.”

Oh, my precious Savior!  I beg your forgiveness for allowing seeds of doubt & fear to gain a foothold in my heart.  Forgive me for questioning Your sovereignty in my life.  Thank You, Jesus, for enduring the cross, scorning it’s shame.  Thank You for conquering sin & death forever!  And thank You for drawing me near to Yourself in a personal love relationship that will never end!  I am most unworthy of Your sacrifice.  I am but one insignificant vapor of life in the grand scheme of the universe, yet from the beginning of time You set me apart for Your purposes, to somehow become a vessel of use in Your hands.  I am humbled.  I am awed.  I am forever grateful.  Make my life a living sacrifice, holy & acceptable to You.  I yield my whole being to Your design & direction.  Let Your grace be sufficient for me, for Your power is made perfect in weakness.

He is Risen!  HE IS RISEN, INDEED!

He Who Began a Good Work

It has been some time since I last wrote about life with the Gweeds.  You may (or may not) be wondering what God is doing in gweedlife, the Herman family as we are commonly known.  Be assured that God is at work in each of our lives, as the work He began in us is not complete as of yet.  He is faithful to complete the good work He started in our hearts.

A primary avenue that God uses to mold my heart is through my health.  Even as an infant, I had unusual health challenges.  Once I suddenly stopped breathing.  I was only a few weeks old.  My dad performed mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to revive me.  God used that instance to impact my parents’ lives more than my own.  Then there were the many, many times I was hospitalized as a child due to complications of the flu.  It seemed like I had a flu bug shadowing me & I was susceptible to frequent invasions.  Because of my unusual frailty, my parents took me to a pediatrician.  Dr. Eric Schaab was his name, and he saved my life many times.  His office was all the way on Tillman Road, right next to Atz’ Ice Cream Parlor.  My mom witnessed to “Schaabie” (as she called him) every time I had an appointment.  She was relentless in her pursuit of his spiritual awakening, always giving him books, magazine articles, tracts, etc.  She spoke boldly with him & always asked him what he thought of the different things she had given him to read.  He knew that she would ask, so he made sure to read the stuff!

When I was in 2nd grade at Harlan Elementary, I had a particularly poor year with my health.  Mrs. Ehle was my teacher, & I really liked her.  She was always very patient with me & helped me to catch up with the rest of the class after periods of absence.  One thing I never learned, though, was the proper way to write cursive capital W’s & Q’s.  I know.  How have I made It thus far in life without knowing that?  It is truly miraculous.  Somehow through my period of frequent illness, Dr. Schaab began to see a pattern of some kind, which prompted him to order some testing to see what was the root cause of my vulnerable health.  I hated those tests!  They were extremely frightening for an 8 year old.  I still have nightmares about some of those tests.

God had prompted Dr. Schaab’s curiosity, & it paid off.  The testing revealed that I had a birth defect related to my kidneys.  The ureters were not located in the proper spot, which made it difficult for my kidneys to expel urine to my bladder.  So in early June, 1976, I spent two weeks as a patient at Lutheran Hospital following surgery to re-implant my ureters.  Back then, it was a much bigger ordeal than it would be today.  My incision was over 8” long!  The surgery was a success & my health greatly improved after that.

When I became a teenager, I was examined for scoliosis along with everyone else in gym class.  I was one of the few who were told to seek medical attention because I had a curvy spine.  My parents took me to a chiropractor for evaluation & treatment of scoliosis.  Since I was young, I wasn’t really bothered by any limitations from scoliosis.  But as my body has aged, it has become very evident that I had more spinal abnormalities than just scoliosis. 

I was very energetic teenager.  I enjoyed sports & spent many summer hours on the softball diamond.  In my youth group, we played a lot of volleyball, which I loved even though I wasn’t particularly skilled at it.  I liked to play basketball & played on the team in junior high.  In an 8th grade game, I stole the ball from the other team, took off dribbling & shot a lay-up that swished in.  I heard my coach (Miss B, for those of you who know her from Leo) screaming my name, & not because she was happy.  I had just scored two points for the other team!  That demoralized me & I gave up team sports then & there.

As I walked through my high school years, I experienced some “female” issues.  I experienced very painful periods & struggled with several hormonal problems.  When Bob & I got married & wanted to start a family, my “female” issue were a problem.  God sent us to Birmingham, Alabama, as church planters for the Missionary Church, & while there I began hormone therapy with a fertility specialist.  God created Jessica within me, but towards the end of my pregnancy, she became an unwelcome tenant in my body.  I had pre-eclampsia (also known as toxemia), a condition which occurs most often in first pregnancies & is caused by the mother's immune system unleashing a destructive attack on the tissues of the developing child.  The womb becomes a hostile environment for the baby.

At 35 weeks gestation, she was not moving in the womb & was basically starving to death inside me.  So I had an emergency c-section & was blessed with my tiny baby Jessica Kay.  She was only 3# 6oz & was 19” long.  Her head was only 11” around!  With each of the successive 4 pregnancies, I gave birth the old fashioned way.  So my one & only c-section was for my tiniest baby.  Just a little backward, I think!

In my early 20’s I began to struggle terribly with headaches.  Migraines were a frequent visitor.  I felt like I was a bobble head that had it’s head on crooked.  The only thing that seemed to help relieve them was chiropractic adjustment.  I also began having sinus headaches around the same time.  That is something that runs in the family.  My mom suffered from chronic sinusitis for many years, even going so far as to have surgery to open her sinuses up more.    As years passed, my migraines continued to increase in frequency, as did my sinus headaches.  It got to the point that if I had a day without a headache, it was a miracle.

In spite of my constant headaches, I did my best to live as though I was pain free.  Bob & I decided to home school our kids shortly after Colson was born.  I can’t truthfully say I enjoyed doing it, because I felt that I was inadequately prepared & equipped to effectively teach my children.  The curriculum we used was a product of Bill Gothard’s ministry, Advanced Training Institute of America.  The thought behind that curriculum was that biblical principles were to be the basis of all learning, so everything, including math & phonics, was supposed to somehow be related to Scripture.  Supplementing the ATIA curriculum was anathema!  It was a very difficult curriculum to use.  In fact, Bob & I really regret using that curriculum to home school our kids.  That’s a topic for another time.

On New Year’s Eve, 1996, Bob & I learned that we were expecting again.  Three days later, I began to have the worst morning sickness I had ever experienced.  I assumed that just like with all of my other pregnancies, morning sickness would be short lived.  Boy was I wrong!  My doctor tried all kinds of medications & remedies that normally were helpful, but they didn’t do anything for me.  Well, that’s not true.  They made me more sick!  I had many, many adverse reactions to medications used during that time.  Things got so bad that I was given a PICC line & received nutrition through a bag.  After a few weeks of morning sickness that never went away, I felt a little better, so I went into Fort Wayne with my sister Kristie.  It was nice to get out of the house for a little bit!  We had dinner at Arby’s & I ordered a chicken sandwich.  That was the beginning of my very bad relationship with Arby’s chicken sandwiches.

Kristie noticed how pale I became & she quickly drove me home.  I remember getting into the house, but that’s as far as I got.  The next thing I knew, I was in the ER at Parkview.  That migraine that had come on so suddenly was the worst I have ever had.  The ER docs gave me some meds & tried to send me home, but we hardly got down the road before Bob turned around & went back.  I was admitted then & my doctor tried various medications to dispel my headache.  Nothing worked.  He ended up trying medications that were known to be very risky for pregnant women & their unborn child.  One of those class C meds really scared me.  They gave me a dose of Stadol & I fell asleep.  Then I woke up because Bob was standing next to my bed, talking with someone who had come to visit.  Although I was awake, I couldn’t open my eyes.  I couldn’t move, not even a twitch of my finger.  I could not communicate in any way!  I was terrified because I heard Bob telling the visitor that he hadn’t seen me sleeping so soundly in weeks & that he was going to leave the room so that I wasn’t disturbed.  I prayed that God would somehow tip Bob off that something wasn’t right.

The visitor left, & Bob leaned over to give me a little kiss before he left the room as well.  For some reason, he hesitated after delivering my little peck on the cheek.  He looked at me, & God allowed him to be troubled.  He couldn’t put a finger on it, but he knew something was very wrong.  He summoned a nurse who began doing a neurological evaluation.  I failed.  That got things really moving in my room!  They gave me Benadryl & slowly I came out of my catatonic state.

I ended up staying in the hospital for 9 days.  I was released to go home on Bob’s 35th birthday!  The rest of the pregnancy was much more low-key, but I was very weak & struggled with my overly sensitive stomach for 6 1/2 months of the pregnancy.  We were beyond overjoyed when Josiah entered the world.  He was healthy, which was a concern for us because of all of the medications that I had used throughout my pregnancy.  We assumed that I would quickly revert back to the person I was before I got pregnant.  That assumption was very wrong.

Well, this is getting to be a long posting again, so I will stop now & will begin my next posting at this point.  But let me reiterate the point I am trying to make with this posting.  “He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it”, Philippians 1:6  God Almighty, who was & is & is to come, the one TRUE God, the King of kings, HE created me.  He started something stirring in my heart from before my birth.  He began a good work in me!  How awesome!  And not only did He start a good thing in me, but HE WILL BE FAITHFUL!  Why should the Most High God be faithful to me?  I have sinned against Him time & time again.  He doesn’t owe me anything, least of all faithfulness.  Why in the world is He going to be faithful to me?  Because God always finishes what He starts.  God not only started something good in my heart from the beginning of my life, but He has promised that He will continue to work in my life until His good work is completed in me! 

God has chosen to use my not-so-great health to mold me into the woman He designed me to be.  He uses different avenues with each individual; none of us are the same.  For me, health stuff seems to be the issue that God has used to develop my character & deepen my faith.  I don’t think I’m destined to be famous.  I don’t think I will ever be amazingly talented or unusually brilliant.  But I do know for a fact that I can be a tool in God’s hands!  I can be a tool to bring encouragement to others, a tool to shape the lives of people in my family, a tool that only truly becomes useful when it is in the hand of the Master. 

Oh, God!  Please keep me usable for your purposes!  Keep my heart soft & responsive to You!  No matter what it takes, complete the good work You began in my heart. 

Our Hope Endures

We are now several weeks into 2011 & so far the challenges of 2010 have spilled over into our new year.  Everyone always hopes that when they wake up on New Year’s Day, their troubles will be gone & they will have a clean slate to start the year.  Dreamers!  Although a magic wand waving through the air has not produced change in our circumstance, there have been some blessings.

Last January when Bob & I began to attend Pathway Community Church, we contacted the small groups pastor, Eric, & inquired about getting involved in a small group.  One of Bob’s passions in ministry was small group ministry, so it made sense that we felt the need to get connected via that avenue.  It proved to be difficult to find a group that we could join, because of Bob’s old age & my relative youthfulness (har-de-har-har!).  It wasn’t until mid-December that we finally found a group that would be a perfect fit for us.  The second Sunday of January we had our first encounter with our new Life Group.

It actually turned out kind of cool, because several of the people in our group are children of pastors.  There is one couple where the husband was the cousin of my bestest childhood friend, Bonnie Hochstetler.  Also, one couple had attended a small group in Leo that Bob taught several years ago.  Another great thing is that everyone in the group loves the Colts!  It’s a small world, isn’t it?  God knows our every need & meets them before we even know we have a need. 

The second Wednesday of January, I joined a women’s Bible study at Pathway.  We are studying the life of Jonah.  The theme is about “a life interrupted”, & it has really hit home with me in so many ways.  In a humorous way, God interrupted our plans to meet every Wednesday by causing us to have a lot of snow this winter.  We have missed 3 weeks of Bible study because of the snow!  I am very excited to continue our study & hope to get to know some of the women at Pathway in the process.

One of the main ways God has allowed interruption to enter my life has been through health difficulties.  Most of you know that I have had my fair share of health problems.  However, I doubt there are many of you who actually know what my health problems are.  Here is a list of a few (not all) of the diagnoses I have:

CERVICAL FACET JOINT SYNDROME:  is a condition in which the joints in the cervical spine degenerate and subsequently cause pain. Facet joints are found at every level on both sides of the cervical spine.  SYMPTOMS: Radiating pain, headaches, limited range of motion & carpal tunnel syndrome.

CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME:  is a variably debilitating disorder defined by persistent fatigue unrelated to exertion & not substantially relieved by rest.  SYMPTOMS:   Impaired memory, unrefreshing sleep, muscular pain, tender lymph nodes, abdominal pain, brain fog &  visual disturbances.

LYME DISEASE:  is a tick-borne infectious disease.  SYMPTOMS:  Numbness, permanent joint inflammation & profound fatigue

MYOFASCIAL PAIN SYNDROME:  is a condition characterized by chronic severe pain in hyperirritable spots in muscle tissue.   SYMPTOMS:  Knots in tight bands of muscle fibers, muscle spasms, insomnia due to chronic pain & chronic deep muscular pain.

NON-ALCOHOLIC STEATOHEPATITIS:  is a type of liver disease, characterized by inflammation of the liver with fat accumulation in the liver.  This type of liver disease is not caused by excessive alcohol consumption.  SYMPTOMS:  Fatigue, severe liver scarring, right-upper-quadrant abdominal pain.

PANHYPOPITUITARISM:  A decreased secretion of 8 pituitary hormones, which are the precursors for all other endocrine glands in the body.  SYMPTOMS:  Growth hormone deficiency, chronic decrease in muscle mass & central obesity.

So far this year I’ve had more bad days than good days.  I’ve been experiencing severe muscular pain that sometimes is almost more than I can bear.  Because I have major drug sensitivities, there are only a few medications I can tolerate which can help with pain control.  Unfortunately, those medications haven’t been able to relieve much of the pain I’ve been experiencing.  It has been so extreme that Bob took me to the ER a couple weeks ago.  He was afraid I was having a stroke because I was very clumsy, forgetful & was having a hard time speaking.  The CT they did while I was in the ER showed that I do indeed have a brain, so that is good news.  I knew some of you would ask that question!  I didn’t have a stroke (thank God!), but the ER doc was concerned & told me to have Dr. Jakacki schedule an MRI of my brain to rule out multiple sclerosis.

Being as sick has I have been lately has taken a toll on most areas of my life.  It’s difficult to stay on top of a household when you can hardly get out of bed.  Not only is my house dirty, but I have things to do to prepare my home to sell.  The inability to complete important tasks is something I do struggle with.  My stomach has been churning like a cement truck & it’s hard to cook when my gut is tumbling around.  Sleep has been an elusive luxury it seems.  My sons have had the unfortunate opportunity to see me down for the count, & that weighs heavily on their hearts.  Bob feels somewhat overwhelmed because he works all day & comes home to a wife who is sick with something no one can find a treatment for.  It has to be discouraging for my family.

As sick as I have been over the past 13 years, I have come to the point with my illness that I honestly have no resentment about it.  Yes, there are definite struggles & frustrations.  But God has taken the bitterness I once had & has replaced it with an unexplainable acceptance of it.  I have come to the place where I believe God has blessed me with my trials of the flesh so that I can endure & somehow bring glory to His name in spite of it all.  I am not saying that it is easy to endure the affliction, but daily God gives me the grace necessary to face the future confidently in Him.  I have faith that is secure enough in who God is that I am convinced that He could heal my body at any moment.  I have tried medicines & treatments, surgeries & therapies.  I have sought healing from God by being anointed with oil by the leaders of my church on several occasions.  I have prayed fervently that God would take away the torment & use my healing as a testimony to people of His power.  But so far, God has not taken the diseases away. 

So what do you do when God’s plan for your life seems to stink?  You do your best to emit the aroma of the knowledge of Christ everywhere.  Every attitude is a choice, is it not?  Every action is a choice.  I have made the conscious choice that healthy or not, God is still worthy of my praise & adoration.  Though there be trials, affliction & suffering in my life, God has not ceased to be the King of all creation, the Lord God Almighty Who was & is & is to come!

There is a song by Natalie Grant that sums up what I feel.  Read the lyrics below & listen to the song on YouTube by clicking the link: 

Our Hope Endures

You would think only so much can go wrong
Calamity only strikes once
And you assume this one has suffered her share
Life will be kinder from here
Oh, but sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear?

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

How do we comprehend peace within pain?
Or joy at a good man's wake?
Walk a mile with the woman whose body is torn
With illness but she marches on
Oh, 'cause sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear?

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

Emmanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient
We never walk alone
And this is our hope

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged
____________________

In our life, it literally feels like the sun has been hiding for years & the rain has not ceased to fall from the dark clouds filling the sky.  My health problems, Bob’s stroke, Bob losing his job, my mom’s death, bankruptcy...  Even our car was repossessed!  It has felt like the trials will never relent.  But in spite of it all, our Hope - Jesus Christ - has never changed.  He has never failed us!  Let the earth shake & the mountains fall into the sea!  Our God is mightier than any disaster or disease, & He will never, ever forsake His own.

2010 - A Year in Retrospect (PART 8)

My Funky Christmas Tree

After a (more than) brief hiatus, I am back.  Time to write again!

Isaac was a freshman at USI in Evansville, which is about a 6 hour drive from our home.  He was so eager to come home for Thanksgiving that he left school at about 9:00 p.m. on Monday!  I sensed something was up with him, so I stayed up until he got home.  I didn’t want him to drive all that way & have no one awake to welcome him. 

He walked in the door around 4:30 a.m.  He came into the living room, where I was, and plopped down on the love seat.  He started to talk.  And talk.  And talk some more.  We didn’t stop our conversation until close to 6:00 a.m..  The main subject we discussed was his unhappiness with his life in Evansville.  College was a lot of what he expected, but also not at all what he expected.  Although USI claims to be a “dry” campus (meaning they don’t allow alcohol on school property), but Isaac said there was plenty of booze flowing all over campus.  It was very easy to acquire, even if you were under age.  He said that in addition to all of the alcohol, marijuana was readily available, along with other illegal substances.  Some of his friends at USI spent several evenings a week getting sauced or high.  Isaac had dabbled with the vices that were around him, but he felt no different & decided that he had seen enough of the world & wanted no part of it.  He decided (completely on his own) that he would finish out the semester at USI & then move back home.  He felt God leading him to Grace College (near Warsaw, IN).  His plan was to enroll at Ivy Tech for their Spring semester & take general classes.  Then next fall he would begin classes at Grace. 

As I sat there early in the morning listening to Isaac’s heart represented in his words, I was not angry at him for briefly getting caught up in the common pitfalls of college life.  On the contrary, I was proud of him for having the guts to leave before he got sucked in to the many temptations that swirled around him on campus.  He believed that people would draw a variety of wrong conclusions because he didn’t “stick it out” at USI, but he didn’t care what those people thought.  He was only concerned about how Bob & I, as well as the rest of our family, would receive his decision to move back.  Once he explained his decision & the reasoning behind it, everyone in the family got behind him & encouraged him in his pursuit of God’s will. 

On Black Friday (the Friday after Thanksgiving for those of you in Rio Linda), Josiah had several of his friends spend the night.  I’ve never seen Josiah so motivated to clean the house!  It was amazing to witness his attention to detail as he tidied things up.  Now that I know what he’s capable of, he had better start working like that every day!  Earlier in the 9 weeks, Bob & I bribed him with having friends spend the night.  If he got his assignment turned in & got good grades during a specific time frame, we would allow him to invite them over.  He did very well & we had to hold up our end of the bargain.

I’ve never been so happy to have a basement as I was that day!  Josiah invited Sam, Brandon, Jacob & Harrison, & when those boys are together, they are crazy!  They played video games late into the night & finally, one by one, they each drifted off to sleep.  Josiah had so much fun & thanked us repeatedly for allowing his friends to stay the night.

The Sunday after Thanksgiving, Isaac left for USI.  He was going back, determined to do everything he could to avoid temptation.  The next day, November 29th, Colson began his first job.  He joined the team at the Chick-Fil-A in the mall.  It’s a little bit of a drive, but not too bad.  I was so proud of Colson, & he was pretty proud of himself, too.  When he got home after work, he talked excitedly about what he learned, people he saw, etc.  Work definitely is a gift from God.  My kids never really believed me when I told them that when they were growing up!  The great thing about working at Chick-Fil-A is that they are never open on Sunday.  Colson asked to have every Wednesday off so that he could continue to be a part of his small group at church, & they were understanding about that & he has yet to work a Wednesday night.  He sees people he knows frequently while he’s behind the counter working, but many times it takes people a second or two to recognize him because he has really grown!  He’s 6 feet tall now!  We were wondering when he would start stretching up, & it just happened within the past year.  Poof!  He became a giant!

On the first Tuesday of December, Bob & I drove to the Parkview Home Health & Hospice office in Huntington, where he would have his cubical.  I took all kinds of things to use to decorate, but his cubical was much smaller than I anticipated, so we ended up takng a lot back home.  His boss, Karen, was excited that he was decorating his cubical because it was an indication that he would be sticking around for a while & actually putting some effort into his job.  The guy before Bob didn’t really have much of a passion for the job, so Bob was a great contrast for them.  We were headed back home when I got a phone call.  It was Josiah, who was at home alone.  He was bored, so I told him to take Fiona outside & run around the house to help her expend some energy.  About half an hour later we received a call from Nancy, saying that she heard water running upstairs & some water was leaking through the ceiling.  I tried to call Josiah, but there was no answer.  That freaked me out!  We were only a few miles from home at the time, but it seemed to be an eternity until we got there.  We ran into the house & up the stairs to see what had happened.  We found Josiah’s bathroom covered with soaked towels, & he was in his pj’s with wet hair.  I was relieved that he was OK, but I wanted an explanation for what had happened.

He was running around with Fiona chasing him & he thought the pond was frozen solid, so he ran onto the ice.  One of his feet broke through the water & one leg went hip deep in the water.  God protected him & allowed the ice to stay solid enough for him to pull his leg out of the water & get off of the ice.  He went into the house & was freezing, so he decided to take a bath to warm himself up.  He started to draw the bath & when it was half way full, he got in & lay down in the tub.  Without thinking, he let the water continue to run.  It was overflowing & he was oblivious to it for a couple of minutes.  When he realized that water was all over the floor, he decided to turn off the faucet & get some towels to soak up the water.  We had a very direct conversation about the events of his evening!

The following Tuesday Colson & I headed down to Evansville to help Isaac move back home.  His semester was over & so were his days at U.S.I.  Isaac took us to a FABULOUS local barbecue restaurant called “Shyler’s” for dinner.  They had an amazing all-you-can-eat meal for around $7.  There was barbecued chicken, pulled pork, potato salad that Isaac LOVED, corn bread & several other tantalizing items.  After dinner, the boys dropped me off at the hotel & headed back to Isaac’s dorm for the night.  Colson had a lot of fun staying the night with Isaac & I had a relaxing night alone in my hotel room.  For one evening, I HAD THE REMOTE!

The boys picked me up in the morning, having all of Isaac’s things stuffed into both of our cars.  We picked up some breakfast at McDonald’s (I fail to understand what people like about McDonald’s coffee) & headed north.  Praise God it was a very uneventful trip.  When we were going through Indy, we stopped at the Plato’s Closet on 96th Street because the boys have previously had some success finding deals there.  They had a lot of things marked down, so it was good we stopped.  I was greatly distressed to find that the Noble Roman’s that had been there for years was now closed.  By the time we got close to the GM plant, Isaac took off for home at a higher rate of speed than I wanted to drive.  To say he was happy to be home is a gross understatement.

Christmas was upon us shortly after Isaac’s move home, & I wasn’t really ready for it.  In the past, we’ve gone to Bob’s parents’ on Christmas Eve & my parents’ on Christmas Day.  This year Christmas with neither family had a very joyous Christmas to look forward to.  Christmas Eve we visited our nephew Chadd at Wesley Health Care in Auburn.  You may remember that in August at just 28 years old, Chadd had an AVM which caused extensive brain damage & put him in a coma.  He looked like he was sleeping, like he would wake up any moment & start picking on people like always.  Leslie had decorated his hospital bed with garland & a big red blanket, like he was a present.  He was off of the ventilator & was breathing completely on his own, which is something his doctors said would never be possible.  Bill & Judy were there, along with Sarah (Chadd’s wife), Leslie (Chadd’s sister), her husband Ryan & their son Aiden.  The room Chadd is staying in is very comfortable, but with so many people it became a little congested.  We didn’t care because we were together talking & catching up.  Unfortunately Nancy was unable to join us that night.  As we were leaving, Scot & Angela (Chadd’s sister) were arriving, along with their kids Cassandra & Ian.  There were hugs all around.  We love our family so much!  Chadd’s easy smile & frequent laughter are so greatly missed.

Christmas morning we all headed out for my dad’s house & prepared our usual brunch.  Instead of my mom making the waffles, Bob made them.  It’s the one thing he has learned to make for dinner.  Unfortunately Bob forgot to add sugar to the mix, which made the waffles taste quite bland.  We will never let him forget the sugar again!  Connie brought her customary Egg Casserole which is always gone in a wink.  Alyssa brought a salmon dish that I just couldn’t figure out.  All who tried it said it was very good.  I just took their word for it.  There were so many parts of our brunch that were absent this year for one reason or another.  Of course we were missing my mom, & all of the wonder & amazement she brought at Christmas.  We also missed Kristie, who chose to spend Christmas with her husband’s family.  She makes the most wonderful cinnamon rolls!  My dad participated by supplying some baked goods from Grabill Country Shops.  Oh, my!  Those Wedding Cake cookies truly melt in your mouth!  I had powdered sugar all over my face & shirt after having a couple of those! 

For the first time in my life we celebrated Christmas without any gifts under the tree.  No of us had the finances to be able to purchase gifts for each other, so we didn’t exchange gifts.  However, my dad was able to give each of us some money for Christmas, which was very unexpected.  Instead of spending so much time exchanging & opening gifts this year, we spent a lot of time talking about all that God had done for us over the past year.  We spent much time remembering my mom & the amazing person she was.  Our dreaded first Christmas without my mom ended up being a sad yet very uplifting day, because we know that one day we will see her again.  We were reminded that this life is but a vapor, here for a second & then gone without a trace.  What we do in that second will determine how we spend eternity.  We were reminded of the importance of spending our lives serving God by serving the people that He died to save.

This concludes “2010 - A Year in Retrospect”.  Thank you for your faithfulness in following this blog.  In the future I will continue to periodically peck my thoughts out on my Mac so that you can read my little blog & through it, bear witness to the greatness of the God I serve.  I don’t claim to be a scholar or religious expert.  As my dad has always said, “I’m just one beggar telling another beggar where to find the bread.”

2010 - A Year in Retrospect (PART 7)

Fiona, our little baby!

The middle of November is sort of a fog to me.  That’s because I spent nearly a week as a patient at Dupont Hospital.  It all started when I had a radio frequency ablation to some facet joints in my neck.  What’s a radio frequency ablation (RFA), you may ask?  It’s something I’ve become all too familiar with.  RFA is a procedure in which a needle-like probe is placed through the skin & muscle tissue onto specifically identified nerves surrounding the facet joints on either side of the spine.  Radio frequency waves are then used to produce heat around the nerve, destroying its ability to transmit pain signals to the brain.  RFA doesn’t “fix” anything, it just makes it so you don’t feel the pain anymore.

As I said, I’ve become all too familiar with this procedure.  I’ve probably had it done over 20 times in the last 8 years, mostly on different nerves.  Several times the nerve ending has grown back & it again began to transmit pain signals to my brain, so I’ve had to have the procedure repeated in those places.  I have a spine that is structurally unique to me, with numerous spinal anomalies.  Apparently my vertebrae are shaped abnormally, one of several birth defects I have which we’re just finding now that I’m getting older.  I’ve already had spinal fusion in my lower back & have been told by the doctor who did the fusion that I would eventually be visiting him to have vertebrae in my neck fused as well.  I had such a horrible recovery with my lower back, I am putting neck fusion off as long as I can!  Thank you, Drs. Hough & Jakacki!

To get back to the topic I began telling you about, I had an RFA done on the right side of my neck.  It was my first time to have an RFA with my new pain specialist, Dr. Julie Chao.  I left the hospital groggy as usual (I was given Versed, which causes temporary amnesia so that I won’t remember the pain caused during the procedure), but I also had a terrible headache, which was unusual.  The headache got so bad that Bob had to take me to the ER.  After conferring with Dr. Chao & Dr. Jakacki, the ER doctor decided to admit me.  I was placed on IV Dilaudid for several days.  I really don’t remember much about those days, but I clearly remember one event.  The first day I was admitted, I sent a text to close friends asking for prayer.  I got a response from a dear friend, Laura, asking what room I was in.  I texted her the room number, & was shocked to learn when she texted back that she was a patient at Dupont, too!  Josiah was with Bob visiting at the time.  I told Bob that Laura was in the hospital, too, & Josiah asked if he could visit her.  He & Laura are close.  Bob walked him down to her room & they talked for a little bit.  Laura thinks Josiah was a little shocked when he saw her, because she had been on steroids & had a puffy face from it.  Shortly after Josiah & Bob returned to my room, Josiah asked if he could go pray with Laura before he left the hospital.  How could I say no to that!  So before they left, Josiah went by himself to Laura’s room & asked her if he could pray with her.  Needless to say she was very touched by his gesture, & Bob & I were very proud of him.

When the pain in my neck didn’t subside without the use of strong pain meds, Dr. Chao decided to do another injection into my neck to deposit lidocaine at the source of the pain.  I remember looking at the needle that she was going to use & thinking it was huge!  She had me bend my head down & hold still.  Then she stuck the needle into the back of my neck, near the base of my skull, & injected the lidocaine.  She told me she put almost the entire needle in my neck!  She had to do the procedure on both sides, which wasn’t fun.  I had a really stiff neck after that, but it really helped.  After a few more days I was released to go home. 

It was such a weird ride home!  When I was admitted, everything was normal.  When I was released, everyone in the world had put up their Christmas decorations!  It made me feel like I was eons behind in my Christmas preparation!  Because of my condition, it took a couple weeks before I was able to decorate, & even then I didn’t do a lot of decorating like I usually would.  Christmas was not a holiday I looked forward to this year, because my mom was the Christmas Queen, & the Christmas Queen wasn’t going to be here this Christmas to work her magic.  The thought of never being surrounded by the beauty she created in her home was a painful thought.  It was a thought that carried with it the realization that she is indeed gone. 

The Sunday before Thanksgiving, we were given a box of food from Pathway, food which was donated by churchgoers to help those who were struggling financially.  Earlier in the month we turned our bankruptcy paperwork over to our bankruptcy attorney, Wes Steury.  He’s a great guy, a solid Christian who was the chairman of the board at 1st Missionary Church when my sister Connie attended there.  If I remember correctly, the paperwork was 26 pages long!  At that time, Bob was only making $500 a month, & my disability income was around $300, so we could not pay any of our bills...  Rent, utilities, car, medical bills like you can’t believe.  We barely had enough for food & gas for Bob to get to & from work.  But God was faithful (no surprise, so why do I always doubt Him?) & He provided what we needed.  Through Abundance from Pathway we were provided with a turkey, potatoes, canned goods, cereal, pasta, all kinds of good stuff.  They provided our Thanksgiving meal, & we are so grateful for their generosity.

Bob started his job with Parkview Home Health & Hospice on November 22.  His first day at work he almost fell asleep on the job!  Well, he was in orientation all day, which would make anyone sleepy.  He is the only Home Health Chaplain for both Huntington & Whitley counties.  He visits terminal patients mostly in their own home or a nursing home.  He hasn’t had many visits in the hospitals themselves.  You can imagine how much he has to drive.  God provided a little car for him that is perfect.  It’s a little white 1996 Geo Metro hatchback.  It has very little rust, the interior isn’t too bad (it needs some Armour All) & the engine runs great.  It has over 215,000 miles on it, though!  Kristie calls it Bob’s “clown car” because he’s so big & it’s so small.  The first time she saw it, Bob drove Isaac & I to my parents’.  Bob was in the driver’s seat, I was in the passenger seat & Isaac practically filled the back seat (it’s really compact).  She said when we started getting out of the car, it looked like a clown car at the circus.  I need to put a bright red nose on the front, & then she will be right!  Bob & his little clown car are all over the place.  We’re praying that God continues to give that little thing life, because it gets nearly 40 MPG!

Thanksgiving Day came & was definitely not like any other we had experienced.  Rachel & Isaac stayed over night the night before Thanksgiving.  It’s kind of become a tradition that on Thanksgiving morning I make cinnamon rolls (from a can) for everyone to eat while watching the Macy’s parade.  Years ago when Colson was less than 5, I began this tradition.  Now something you have to know about Colson is that he always wants to know what’s going on.  Even from a very young age, he would ask where we were going, what we were doing, why we were doing it...  If it was truly something he needed to know, I would answer, but if it was just pesky inquisitiveness I wouldn’t answer.  Well, on the first Thanksgiving morning that I did this, he came into the kitchen & saw that I was making something.  “Whatcha makin’?” he asked.  “Can’t tell” I answered back.  He turned around, ran into the living room & announced, “Mommy’s making can’t tells!”  Ever since then we have called cinnamon rolls “can’t tells”. 

Rachel & Isaac (as well as Colson & Josiah) were with us on Thanksgiving morning & partook in the parade & can’t tells.  Jess came over with Jeff, her boyfriend, at 10:30 & had can’t tells, too.  They brought Tidus, their 6 month old English Bulldog.  He & Fiona wore each other out!  Wait a minute!  I haven’t told you about Fiona! 

In mid-August, Isaac’s girlfriend Holly Lantz got a puppy.  His name is Barrett, & he is 1/2 Malamute & 1/2 Yellow Lab.  He was so absolutely adorable!  Knowing that Hattie & Molly are getting old (11 & 12 respectively), I decided we needed to check those puppies out.  I wanted Hattie to teach the puppy the rules of the household before she's gone.  Molly wouldn't teach anything, because she's a grouch.  We call her Molly Hag.  Isaac got us in contact with the owners & we drove over to the boonies in Noble county to see them.  They had 3 left, 1 male & 2 females.  When we first pulled into the drive, one of the pups came charging at us.  He was so cute!  But then we went into the back yard & I spied little Fiona laying under a picnic table.  She wasn’t jumpy or crazy like the other two were.  She had the most unusual markings.  She is black with tan eyebrows & a tan chin line.  All four paws are tan with little black dots on each toe.  It’s like she has her nails painted!  We decided she needed to come home with us.  She has been a great dog so far.  She’s very intelligent & responsive.  She’s a talker, too.  She does this thing that definitely is a communication thing.  It’s not barking, but it’s not whining either.  It’s the most adorable thing!

OK.  Now that you know about Fiona, I’ll get back to Thanksgiving.  We were supposed to be at my dad’s at 2:00.  Around 1:40, Jeff asked to speak with Bob privately.  The next thing I knew, Jess, Jeff & Tidus left abruptly.  I asked Bob what happened.  Jeff told Bob that he planned to ask Jess to marry him & he wanted Bob’s blessing.  Bob told him that he could not give his blessing to their engagement unless they stopped living together.  We believe & have taught all of our kids that Scripture teaches that God created sex exclusively for marriage.  It was a tough stand to take, but the right one.

Our Thanksgiving afternoon was a bit rough after that.  We went to my dad’s for Thanksgiving dinner.  It was our first holiday without my mom.  My dad was so eager for us to come over!  He was very excited that nearly everyone in the family would be there.  Austin, of course, was still in Connecticut.  Jess did come with Tidus.  We were a little delayed in eating because Jess & Bob were talking in one of the bedrooms.  We had a wonderful meal together, with much laughter & cajoling.  Dessert was compliments of Aunt Pam.  She made the crusts for 3 pies (she’s a killer pie maker!); I just filled them with pudding.  We had a peanutbutter pie, a banana cream pie & a chocolate pie.  Of course there was football.  And there was much reminiscing about my mom.  It was hard to leave my dad that night.  I know he probably cried himself to sleep because he misses her so & he sorely missed her presence on that holiday. 

Even though 2010 so far had been very difficult for our entire family, we still had so much to thank God for.  As Habakkuk 3:17,18 says, “Though the fig tree does not bud & there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails & the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen & no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.”